Mar 01

S**t-eating ‘alien’ mussels set to clog UK toilets after warm winter:

Millions of UK homes are at risk of having their pipes and toilets blocked due to an increase in quagga mussels.

The invasive species can crawl up u-bend pipes and likes to feast on human feces. Whatever you’re into, I guess.

Due to some of the warmest winters in over three centuries in Britain as part of the climate change we’re supposedly not experiencing according to those in denial, scientists predict a substantial increase in the number of the so-called “alien” mussels.

While frost normally kills them off, the lack of it this past winter has kept UK waterways warm and open for colonies to form with up to 700,000 piling up in a square yard.

These “piles” can be up to 10 feet thick, which easily block sewage pipes and cause disgusting backups of waste into bathrooms.

The bivalves were first discovered in British waters in 2014 and even though (or because?) they eat s**t, they are ‘demons in the sack’ and extremely fertile. One female is capable of producing a million babies per year.

In addition to consuming human waste, the quaggas also have an appetite for various pollutants, which in turn becomes their own toxic s**t. This can then poison water which is being consumed by both humans and wildlife.

It’s projected that the new quagga colonies will advance up to 200 miles every four weeks through Britain’s waterways, with the River Thames in London already greatly affected.

“The Thames in London is already among the most highly invaded rivers in the world,” Joe Pecorelli of the Zoological Society of London, told The Mirror. “It’s sad to see yet another invasive species colonizing it, especially one that has been so damaging to freshwater habitats in other countries.”

Native to Ukraine, globalization has spread the unwelcome immigrants around the globe, with a huge impact on the Great Lakes in the US.

They get into foreign waters by attaching themselves to cargo vessels, boat hulls, and fishing equipment.

Zebra mussels, a close relative to quaggas, have caused decades of foul-tasting drinking water and clogged up power plant cooling filters.

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