Mark Dice tries to sell a one ounce pure gold coin for $50, but nobody has a clue how much gold is worth, and nobody wants it.
Added: November 8, 2009
Funny
Don’t misunderestimate the power of “change”
“I have said from the outset that when it comes to my policies toward Israel and the Middle East, that Israel’s security is paramount, and I repeated that to Prime Minister Netanyahu,”
– Barak Obama
By John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune
Monday, May 18, 2009
Source: Oh Bummer
The George W. Bush Presidential Library
Dear Fellow Constituent: The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and accepting donations.
The Library will include:
1. The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won’t be able to remember anything.
3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don’t even have to show up.
4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don’t let you in.
5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don’t let you out.
6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.
7. The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.
8. The Tax Cut Room, with entry only to the wealthy.
9. The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.
10. The Iraq War Room. (After you complete your first visit, they make you go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth visit.)
11. The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shooting gallery.
12. The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.
13. The Supreme Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.
14. The Airport Men’s Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.
15. The Decider Room, complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.
The library will also include many famous Quotes by George W. Bush:
1. ‘The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.’
2. ‘If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.’
3. ‘Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.’
4. ‘No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine.’
5. ‘I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy – but that could change.’
6. ‘One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.’
7. ‘Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.’
8. ‘I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.’
9. ‘The future will be better tomorrow.’
10. ‘We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world..’
11. ‘One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.’ (during an education photo-op)
12. ‘Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.’
13. ‘We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.’
14. ‘It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.’
15. ‘I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.’…George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson
PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!
Sincerely, Jack Abramoff: Co-Chair
G.W. Bush Library Board of Directors
Source: ?
Bush Farewell Tour
Source: The Boston Globe
Burglar: I was held captive by ghost for 3 days
Would-be thief says ‘supernatural figure’ prevented him from fleeing
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia – A burglar who broke into a house claims he was held captive by a “supernatural figure” for three days without food and water, officials said.
Police official Abdul Marlik Hakim Johar told The Star newspaper the house’s owners found the 36-year-old man fatigued and dehydrated when they returned from vacation Thursday.
He says they called an ambulance to take him to a hospital.
The man told police that every time he tried to escape, a “supernatural figure” shoved him to the ground.
Scientists discover Governmentium (Gv)
GREAT JOKE, SAD TO BE SO TRUE
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
The above is not my original creation, the rest is my addendum. If the above does not make you laugh as much as cry inside, you aint human.
The missing portion of the substance known as corruptium, which leads to radiated energy into channels almost entirely into the power source, once damaged heavily by exposure to light, but now covered by czar tissue.
December 4, 2008
Source: Financial Sense
Palin caught out by ‘President Sarkozy’
Canadian radio comedian persuades Republican vice-presidential hopeful he is French leader in prank phone call
Perhaps Sarah Palin should have realised something was amiss when the caller purporting to be France’s president, Nicolas Sarkozy, referred to “my special American adviser, Johnny Halliday”.
Later in the call, maybe, she could have guessed that even the real Sarkozy would be unlikely to refer to his wife, Carla Bruni, as “so hot in bed” or talk about a supposed mutual love of hunting by saying “to take away a life, that is so fun”.
The would-be vice president was, of course, speaking to Canadian comedian Marc-Antoine Audette, part of a radio duo who have made prank calls to a series of world leaders over the years.
Palin didn’t give away anything of real note – except perhaps an ambition to be president herself “maybe in eight years” – or suffer any real embarrassments.
It is interesting, however, to hear Palin’s eager tone of voice and exaggerated politeness (“We love you! Thanks you for talking to me!”) which seemed to go beyond courtesy into sheer fandom.
Maybe Palin – like many others – still can’t believe the position she’s in right now.
Peter Walker
Sunday November 02 2008 10.05 GMT
Source: The Guardian
Hedge Fund Manager: Goodbye and F—- You
From the Scorched Earth Files:
Andrew Lahde, manager of a small California hedge fund, Lahde Capital, burst into the spotlight last year after his one-year-old fund returned 866 percent betting against the subprime collapse.
Last month, he did the unthinkable — he shut things down, claiming dealing with his bank counterparties had become too risky. Today, Lahde passed along his “goodbye” letter, a rollicking missive on everything from greed to economic philosophy. Enjoy.
Today I write not to gloat. Given the pain that nearly everyone is experiencing, that would be entirely inappropriate. Nor am I writing to make further predictions, as most of my forecasts in previous letters have unfolded or are in the process of unfolding. Instead, I am writing to say goodbye.
Recently, on the front page of Section C of the Wall Street Journal, a hedge fund manager who was also closing up shop (a $300 million fund), was quoted as saying, “What I have learned about the hedge fund business is that I hate it.” I could not agree more with that statement. I was in this game for the money. The low hanging fruit, i.e. idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale, and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking. These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government. All of this behavior supporting the Aristocracy, only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other side of my trades. God bless America.
There are far too many people for me to sincerely thank for my success. However, I do not want to sound like a Hollywood actor accepting an award. The money was reward enough. Furthermore, the endless list those deserving thanks know who they are.
Lahde quits hedge funds, thanking “stupid” traders for making him rich.
NEW YORK, Oct 17 (Reuters) – Andrew Lahde, the hedge fund founder who shot to fame with his small fund that soared 870 percent last year on bets against U.S. subprime home loans, has called it quits, thanking “stupid” traders for making him rich.
In a biting, but humorous letter to investors posted on the website of Portfolio magazine on Friday, Lahde told investors last month he will no longer manage money because his bank counterparties had become too risky.
Lahde ripped his profession in the letter. He noted another hedge-fund manager who recently closed shop and was quoted in The Wall Street Journal as saying: “What I have learned about the hedge fund business is that I hate it.” To which Lahde responded, “I could not agree more with that statement.
“The low-hanging fruit, i.e. idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking,” said Lahde, who according to the website birthdates.com is 37.
“These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government. All of this behavior supporting the Aristocracy, only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other side of my trades. God bless America.”
Read moreLahde quits hedge funds, thanking “stupid” traders for making him rich.
‘Harmony’ Baptist Church: A Free Thinker Is Satans Slave
Source: Just A Normal Girl
“Thou shalt not think.”
Be a good, boring, stupid religious sheep.
And sheep get herded, milked, fleeced and slaughtered.
So God gave you a brain, but don’t you dare use it.
In case you are bored with what religion has to offer and you want to read something really wonderful then please read the first three volumes of Life and Teaching of the Masters of the Far East.
For my German readers: Leben und Lehren der Meister in Fernen Osten. Band 1-3.
Read more‘Harmony’ Baptist Church: A Free Thinker Is Satans Slave
Things They Don’t Tell You About Life (But Should)….
(CLICK THE IMAGES TO PROCEED THROUGH THIS COMIC)
Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’
Source: THE ONION From !!! January 17, 2001 !!! A must read.
WASHINGTON, DC-Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that “our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over.”
President-elect Bush vows that “together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us.”
“My fellow Americans,” Bush said, “at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us.”
Read moreBush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’
Obama Claims He Has Visited 57 States
Unbelievable!
At a campaign event in Beaverton, OR, Obama claimed to have visited 57 U.S. states during the campaign.
Source: YouTube
Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In
If the situation would not be so damn serious, this would be very funny.
Maybe it’s still funny, if you “Always look on the bright side of life”.
Related video: – How the markets really work
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WASHINGTON – A panel of top business leaders testified before Congress about the worsening recession Monday, demanding the government provide Americans with a new irresponsible and largely illusory economic bubble in which to invest.
“What America needs right now is not more talk and long-term strategy, but a concrete way to create more imaginary wealth in the very immediate future,” said Thomas Jenkins, CFO of the Boston-area Jenkins Financial Group, a bubble-based investment firm. “We are in a crisis, and that crisis demands an unviable short-term solution.”
A prominent finance expert asks Congress to help Americans rebuild their ficticious dreams.
The current economic woes, brought on by the collapse of the so-called “housing bubble,” are considered the worst to hit investors since the equally untenable dot-com bubble burst in 2001. According to investment experts, now that the option of making millions of dollars in a short time with imaginary profits from bad real-estate deals has disappeared, the need for another spontaneous make-believe source of wealth has never been more urgent.
“Perhaps the new bubble could have something to do with watching movies on cell phones,” said investment banker Greg Carlisle of the New York firm Carlisle, Shaloe & Graves. “Or, say, medicine, or shipping. Or clouds. The manner of bubble isn’t important-just as long as it creates a hugely overvalued market based on nothing more than whimsical fantasy and saddled with the potential for a long-term accrual of debts that will never be paid back, thereby unleashing a ripple effect that will take nearly a decade to correct.”
“The U.S. economy cannot survive on sound investments alone,” Carlisle added.
Read moreRecession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In