THE ONION: FBI Warns Republican Memo Could Undermine Faith In Massive, Unaccountable Government Secret Agencies

FBI Warns Republican Memo Could Undermine Faith In Massive, Unaccountable Government Secret Agencies:

WASHINGTON—Stressing that such an action would be highly reckless, FBI Director Christopher Wray warned Thursday that releasing the “Nunes Memo” could potentially undermine faith in the massive, unaccountable government secret agencies of the United States. “Making this memo public will almost certainly impede our ability to conduct clandestine activities operating outside any legal or judicial system on an international scale,” said Wray, noting that it was essential that mutual trust exist between the American people and the vast, mysterious cabal given free rein to use any tactics necessary to conduct surveillance on U.S. citizens or subvert religious and political groups. “If we take away the people’s faith in this shadowy monolith exempt from any consequences, all that’s left is an extensive network of rogue, unelected intelligence officers carrying out extrajudicial missions for a variety of subjective, and occasionally personal, reasons.” At press time, Wray confirmed the massive, unaccountable government secret agencies were unaware of any wrongdoing for violating constitutional rights.

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Bitcoin Billionaire (Video)

Friday Humor: The Bitcoin Billionaire:

I was broke, unemployed, I was starting to slouch
I was sleeping in the basement on my momma’s new couch

That’s when I heard it all, a chance to skirt it all
a money like my last girl
Completely virtual…

Got the top graphics cards, got a power supply
a microprocesser, a motherboard, a towering drive
I put the RAM in the RAM slot, drive in the larger bay
topped it off, two fans
Like a Chargers game!

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Present-hunting children unprepared for what they might find in ‘mum’s special drawer’

Present-hunting children unprepared for what they might find in ‘mum’s special drawer’:

BRITAIN’S children are in no way prepared for what they will find in parents’ bedrooms while looking for their Christmas presents, it has been confirmed.

Research from the Institute for Studies showed that whilst a parent’s bedroom is the most likely place for a child to find their new games console or pet horse, it’s also the most likely place they will find some sort of sexual accessory.

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Why I hate millennials even though I raised two of them

Why I hate millennials even though I raised two of them:

Millennials represent everything that is wrong with the world today, but it’s somehow not my fault despite the fact that I spawned two of them.

My kids expect a high standard of living, because I brought them up with foreign holidays, Sky telly and an obsession with bullshit aspirational lifestyle magazines.

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May confirms ‘sense of optimism’ actually means ‘never-ending sea of piss’

May confirms ‘sense of optimism’ actually means ‘never-ending sea of piss’:

THERESA May has confirmed the Brexit negotiations continue to be a ‘gigantic sea of piss’.

The prime minister insisted that any ‘sense of optimism’ in the wake of last week’s agreement was ‘just another fuck-up’. She then unveiled a rudimentary drawing of the gun towers she wants to position along the Irish border from March 2019.

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‘What is ‘Brexit’?’ asks David Davis

‘What is ‘Brexit’?’ asks David Davis:

BREXIT secretary David Davis has denied ever having heard the word ‘Brexit’ before and has asked somebody to explain it to him. 

Speaking to a Commons select committee, Davis said that it sounded like a made-up word, perhaps for a new kitchen device.

He continued: “Leaving Europe? I hate to contradict you, but that’s a geographical impossibility.

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It took six months and a lot of work but we’ve caved completely, says David Davis

😂😂😂

It took six months and a lot of work but we’ve caved completely, says David Davis:

BREXIT minister David Davis has proudly told Britain that after six months of tough negotiating he has given in to every single one of the EU’s demands. 

Davis, who turned up to negotiations in June with a blank notepad and a hopeful expression, promised that nobody could have fought harder or achieved less than he did.

He continued: “From the first day, when I conceded that negotiations would proceed exactly as the EU had decided and then spent months trying to reverse that, I have been massively out of my depth. 

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