The Mash guide to American ‘food’ imports

H/t reader squodgy:

“British humour.”

The Mash guide to American ‘food’ imports:

IF Britain strikes a new trade deal with the US, what low-quality food will be on your menu?

Pig-flavour Chunky Bits
Made from the parts of pigs no one knew existed, such as the ‘inner flange’ and the ‘duct hole’. The resulting product tastes so unlike pork it has to be flavoured with the equally mysterious ‘bacon concentrate’.

American chocolate
Actually a form of edible plastic, American chocolate is incredibly sweet with a watery, milk-like flavour that leaves an oily residue in your mouth. Preferred by most Americans to real chocolate because they actively enjoy nausea.

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Mitochondria or Midi-Chlorians? ‘Star Wars’ Hoax Paper Published in 4 Journals

Mitochondria or Midi-Chlorians? ‘Star Wars’ Hoax Paper Published in 4 Journals:

Mitochondria: totally real cell organelles that convert sugars, fats and oxygen into usable energy for cells. Midi-chlorians: completely made-up and widely derided microscopic life-forms that give Jedi warriors their ability to use the Force in the “Star Wars” movies.

See the difference? A handful of “peer reviewers” apparently didn’t, as a paper that subbed in “midi-chlorians” for “mitochondria” got accepted into four journals this week. The paper mashed up lightly altered text from Wikipedia on mitochondria with Star Wars-related rambling, including the infamous monologue on the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise from “Revenge of the Sith.”

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James Delingpole: RIP Godfrey Elfwick, Murdered by Twitter for Being Too ‘Woke’

DELINGPOLE: RIP Godfrey Elfwick, Murdered by Twitter for Being Too ‘Woke’:

Linda Sarsour/Sally Kohn/Graham Linehan/Caroline Criado Perez/Gary Lineker/Diane Abbot/someone from the Guardian/a guy from CNN/ISIS has said something really hateful, stupid, and wrong on Twitter. Again.

Back in the day, this would have been a cause for celebration, not dismay. Why? Because within milliseconds of their fatuous utterance tainting the ether with its embittered, warped, politically correct insanity it would have been endorsed – and simultaneously destroyed – by the mighty Godfrey Elfwick.

Godfrey Elfwick was the funniest and best thing on Twitter.

H/t reader kevin a:

“Funny guy!”

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Leaked email suggests Russophobia campaign prelude to US invasion of Ukraine

Satire …

Leaked email suggests Russophobia campaign prelude to US invasion of Ukraine:

(Note: This leaked email has not yet been verified by WikiLeaks:)

Date: 2017-06-14
Source: Pentagon
Classification: SECRET/NOFORN/BLTPBJ
S E C R E T
SECTION 03 OF 1,242 WASHINGTON – 314159265
SUBJECT: Major General protests decision to continue the Russophobia campaign
CLASSIFICATION APPROVED BY: CLASSIFIED
REASON: 1.4 (b), (d)

I strongly urge those reading this email to finally acknowledge that the conditioning phase of the Russophobia campaign has been completed.

The situation is exactly as planned to begin troop movements into Ukraine.

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