May 12

bees

Bee Stings to the Genitals Really Hurt According to Fed Funded Study:

Ask any American about what the US government spends our money on, and I guarantee you they will all think of at least one program or department that should be eliminated. Maybe they don’t think it’s important, or they object to it on moral grounds, or they just think that the private sector could do the same job more efficiently. But sometimes, the government pays for services that no one in their right mind would want, regardless of political affiliation or beliefs.

More than anything else, this especially applies to many of the scientific research grants that our government hands out like candy. According to a recent report posted by Senator Jeff Flake, the government is putting your tax dollars into unbelievably ridiculous projects.

One study, which wound up costing $1 million, sought to find out where it hurts the most to be stung by a bee, which resulted in a researcher being stung in the penis (apparently, only the third most painful body part to be stung). Another $5 million study tried to find out if drunk birds slur when they sing.

Other studies tried to research questions that anyone with common sense would already have the answer to, such as whether republicans and democrats look different. It turns out, to the surprise of no one, that republican women look more feminine than democratic women.

Some of these studies simply boggle the mind. One study was funded to determine who will be America’s Next Top Model ($2.9 million) while another tried to find out if humans could outrun dinosaurs ($1.9 million).

You might be inclined to think that this money could be better spent on literally anything else, but this is the federal government we’re talking about. Tell them to spend your tax dollars on anything they want, and I assure you they will find something even more useless than a study on America’s Next Top Model.

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